dare someone to post this article on s/city, a surefire way to pick a huge fight lol
:wank:
It's true. Adelaide really is better than Melbourne
Jim Schrembi
The Age
Feb 12 2008
There has been much debate of late about how much better Melbourne is than Adelaide, which is the capital city of a state to the west of Victoria the name of which momentarily eludes me.
This topic pops up every now and again when the media experiences what is referred to here as a "very slow news day", but which is known in Adelaide as a "mega-major news day of earth-shattering proportions".
Jumping on the "Bash Adelaide" bandwagon has long been one of our most popular pastimes, next to latte sipping, pony-tail cultivation (men only) and trying to work out precisely how many crooked cops we have "working" for us.
To be honest, I used to have a monthly ticket on this bandwagon. There's that gag. Q: What's the best way to see Adelaide? A: Through a bomb sight. I wrote that joke with a government arts grant. Unfortunately, I'm no longer qualified to bag Adelaide. Why? Because, in a moment of spiritual weakness, I actually went there.
The very first thing you notice about Adelaide is that it's hard to notice. The city does have a skyline, but in order to see it you literally have to be standing right in front of it. You have to admire this. While other cities keep trying to out-do each other by building bigger and bigger towers, Adelaide is perfectly relaxed. It does not suffer from Skyscraper Envy, a fabulous term I just invented.
The people are relaxed, too. They're not in a hurry to get anywhere. You can tell this by the verified fact that Adelaide has the slowest traffic lights on earth. According to official census statistics, 43% of married couples in Adelaide met, courted and got engaged on street corners while waiting for the lights to change.
And the natives are friendly as hell. The acid test of this is when engaging in discourse with the security staff at girlie bars. Example. One establishment in the centre of the city offers something called a "mega strip". Precisely how this differed from a "regular strip" or, indeed, a "mini strip" was unclear, so I asked.
They said they didn't know - and they kept to that answer even though I pressed them for about 20 minutes. Then they told me to please move on lest they press my head into the nearest garbage can. Now that's polite.
The reason for all this politeness may have something to do with the fact that, all throughout Adelaide, there are these big, weird signs that actually say "Polites". They're all over the place, and at night they are lit up. Everywhere you go: "Polites". It's surreal. Where did these signs come from?
But that's not the real question. The real question is: if Adelaide is such a crummy dump then how come it has better public transport than Melbourne?
While we lament the lack of night-time safety on our trains, in Adelaide every train after 7pm has security personell on board. Can you believe that? And Adelaide doesn't have any peak-hour problem with bike congestion because while off-peak bike travel is free, during peak hour riders have to buy a ticket for their bike! If Adelaide people are so dumb how come they came up with that before we did? Hmm?
And get this. In Adelaide they have regular public transport buses that - drive you straight to the airport! And you know how much it costs? I'll tell you exactly how much it costs. A lot friggin' less than it does here.
And I'll come right out and say it: Adelaide has better beaches than Melbourne. You catch the train to places with weird names such as Glenelg or Grange or Semaphore and you're a short walk from these endless, placid, stress-draining stretches of sand. It's magic.
Here's the brutal truth: Melbourne has a hang up about Adelaide, but Adelaide does not have a hang up about Melbourne. Melbourians may love their anti-Adelaide sound bites, but ask the average Adelaidian what they think about Melbourne and the typical response is something like: "It's OK"; or "nice town"; or, "isn't that where all the crooked cops live"?